Selfishness is usually the root of a defense mechanism, as the entire purpose of such a mechanism is in order to protect the individual with the mechanism, with no concern or regard for anything else. Usually the most obvious selfish behavior is in children, as they simply don’t have any of the social rules that adults do.
When a child starts to realize the concept ‘Mine’ usually it is in the age range of 2-3. After that… EVERYTHING is ‘mine’. ‘Mine’ is the beginning stages of selfishness, as the child will want anything anyone else has as well. I’m sure you parents out there, have had a child at this age range, want everything your holding in your hand, no matter what it is. It could be a sandwich, a glass of water, a piece of silverware, a new paper, a laptop, or your car keys. The kids are simply exploring the concept of ‘Mine’, as they have nothing that isn’t theirs according to them.
When we grow older, that concept is changed, and we learn the concept of sharing, and tolerance, and we also learn that, based upon societal construct and propaganda, the ‘selfless’ are better people. After this, of course everyone wants to be better people, so they begin attempting to explore the concept of selflessness. Usually the exploration of the concept is stopped short by the individual, as the path of selflessness is most certainly not the path of least resistance.
Based upon observation, humans generally begin to believe themselves selfless, while performing selfish acts, and every once in awhile, doing something that seems selfless to them, and the other person receiving the selfless act should feel very blessed to have that person perform such an act of selflessness upon them. To me it looks quite like an oxy-moron, and staunch hypocrisy, however that doesn’t seem to enter into the thoughts of the person committing said actions.
An example of a child’s selfish behavior:
“I want my lollipop. It’s MY lollipop, and you can’t have any! Mine!”
This is a very declarative and direct thought pattern. The thought is literally no different than the words, and the actions follow suit. The difference in adults, is that they also have usually studied the art of deception/lying to some degree.
And example of the thought process of an adults selfish behavior:
Adult 1 says:
“Hey! I heard what you said to Molly yesterday before I came into the kitchen. I was with Jake that day, and he never said that.”
Adult 2 Says:
“What do you mean!?”
Adult 1 says:
“yeah, you said you were there at the house, and that Jake said he wanted a mistress, and was trying to find one… why?”
Adult 2 says:
“You were listening in to my conversation!? I can’t believe you! How rude!”
Adult 1 Says:
“I know you weren’t there, because I never saw you that day, and I was at the house all day. ”
Adult 2 says:
“I don’t know what your talking about, and your offending me. Your just being rude! You were listening in on conversations, being sneaky, and accusing people. I can’t believe you! ”
Adult 1 says:
“Wow, that seems like your fooling yourself with something other than the truth. It sounds like you may be saying parts of something, but I’m not sure what. Have you studied the art of deception/lying?”
Adult 2 says:
“No, I’m not lying, and how dare you call me a liar!”
This is usually summed up by the epic conversation that I sum up as the “how dare you “conversation.
After the thought, there would be a justification, or the need for such a justification. The adult may look for someone else to ‘talk to’, which usually translates into another human being giving them the necessary justification because the individual is at a loss or at bare minimum lacks the strength and purpose of self to do this on their own.
The person then justifies it’s selfish action, and begins to act as if the person asking the question about the study of the art of deception, has then insulted and offended Adult 2, so in order to convey this there is an over-compensating that must occur. Usually this takes the form of an emotionally dramatic exploit of some sort, in the same realm as theatre.
Right about at this point is when things begin to whir out of control, because Adult 2 is more interested in their own dramatic over compensation.
The selfish adult (Adult 2) will usually antagonize the other entity in order to provoke a reaction. This I usually sum up as “drama”, and then begins some fantastic story about the whole experience.
Adult 2, was never interested in listening to Adult 1. Adult 2 simply wanted to be accused of a situation, in order to justify the position of being victimized by “such a rude and insulting person”. The rudeness, and offense, is in the act of speaking about someone else behind their back, and specifically saying things to deceive them. If an individual doesn’t like to be called on such actions, one should not commit such actions… it is as plain as that.
Selfish people only think about them, and what will happen to them, and how the outcome will effect them, and what will be for them, and what happens to them, and how they will feel about the situation or circumstance, but their view is ALWAYS limited to them. They can never see beyond themselves in order to achieve selflessness, though there are also never able to see that they are being selfish and will readily deny it.
In my experience, it is the people who can admit that they are selfish, that are far more selfless.
It is those who can not see it in themselves, because they believe it so sinful or offensive that they should simply be denied awareness of it’s existence in them. It is when that cycle repeats itself for years, and then to multiple generations, that’s when it becomes a sickness.
For every sickness there is a remedy. For every hurt there is a cure. Be accountable for your selfishness, even when you don’t want to.
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